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Setting limits has never been an easy task. Unfortunately, we currently observe that the lack of limits in children and young people is something that happens too often.
- 1 Limits are necessary
- 2 Where do we start?
- 3 A daily job
- 4 Practical advice
- 5 Frequently asked questions
Limits are necessary.
The word "limit" has to do with the border, with the term or end of something, it has to do with the border, it has to do with "this is enough". So written it seems very easy, but it is not so simple to put it into practice.
The function of setting limits means containing, caring and protecting. It is never too late to set limits and is important for the child's emotional development. A child who does not accept the limits is talking to us and is wanting to say something.
From the beginning of life we have limits. When a baby is born, everything is confusing. No one remembers this moment, but from the beginning of life the people who take care of the child begin to set limits: when they breastfeed or bottle, when they go to sleep, when they can play, when it is time to bath ... This allows the baby to acquire habits, a routine and put order in his thinking
Where do we start?
Respect is an important basis for a good understanding between fathers, mothers and children, in a reciprocal way. Children must respect parents, but parents must respect children. Based on respect, we will adapt and transform the rules, agreements and routines according to the ages and needs of the children.
Setting limits does not mean shouting, threatening or reproaching. When a limit is set and, as a consequence, the child has a tantrum, it is important to remain calm and not be afraid. It is important to be able to talk in the moments that there is no kicking, to find some moments of reflection with the child, it is basic for his good emotional development.
A daily job
It is important that every day we try to look for a while in the speed of our lives to listen to our children. Let's stop for a moment to think about how our son is: Are you happy? He is sad? Do you feel down? Do you feel frustrated? Why don't you listen to me?
- Setting limits is not an easy task and of course, there is no magic "recipe."
- Limits protect and contain. They give security.
- It is important to be able to listen and reflect.
- Have an attitude of teaching, not of sending.
- Adults are a role model for children.
- It is important to make clear which behavior is appropriate and which is not.
- It is necessary to apply some rules of the game that are the basis and foundation to train responsible children.
- It is important to apply the limits and rules to the personal circumstances and age of the child.
- When we set limits, it can cause anger and anger in the child. It is normal. Over time the limits calm and give tranquility.
- It is important that the child can express his feelings.
- Punishments must be reparative and in order to learn, punishments are not sentences.
- We must create an environment of respect.
- You have to give the orders clearly, firmly and kindly and then always thank you for what you have done.
- It is important to set rules and limits for love and conviction, never for fear or coercion.
Frequently asked questions
When we are in public places and asks me for things, do I have to give them to them so that I don't mount a fatter palette?
If the demands of the children do not seem adequate, we don't have to satisfy them and less to avoid a trowel. If they are in a public place, we cannot keep them, it is best to go home or to a place where we can help you. We must keep the no that we have given, tolerating the anger that it can generate for him, and helping him to tolerate it himself as a process of frustration. Little by little it will decrease.
If the other parent has put a punishment that I think is excessive, can I modify it?
Limits must be maintained and, where possible, agreed by both parents. If we think that the other parent has exceeded, we will have to talk to him without the child present and assess the modification of the punishment whenever he agrees. The parent who has put the punishment will be in charge of modifying it, explaining to the child the reasons or reaching an agreement, but we must never disallow selected among adults before the children.
I work many hours and when I get tired, I prefer to have a good time with the children and avoid confrontations.
We must ensure that the time we spend with the children is of quality, but this should not be detrimental to educating them and setting limits. If we do not want confrontations, we can set the rules calmly and firmly but not stop doing what they want to avoid conflicts.. Giving options can help the child also feel that he decides. With clothes for example, let choose between two pants or two sweaters that we will have previously decided.