Revenge, why it's no use

Revenge, why it's no use

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Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. This maxim accompanies us making us wait for many times when we can take revenge on who has hurt us or harmed us. However, this does not make much sense. Let's see why.

Why we feel like revenge

First, let's see better what revenge consists of. We will deepen this common term, used and even idealized by many people, since they mistakenly believe that this feeling will make them feel better.

Revenge is a form of punishment which is applied by a person who has been physically or psychologically damaged. It is a way of harming someone who has made us feel pain, especially if we feel that it has betrayed us in some way.

In this case, the person feels the desire to direct such revenge towards the individual who has caused such damage. The most common is that you try to harm him in some way that, in one way or another, ends up relating to us so that we end up feeling that we have paid off an outstanding debt.

That said, revenge may seem completely acceptable, normal and even understandable. However, if we continue to deepen the concept we will notice a nuance: when planning a revenge we are insisting and putting our energy on that person who has hurt us.

We are allowing that person who has harmed us keep controlling a part of our life and our mind. As we plan or think about how to harm her, we are putting our thoughts on her and letting her continue to affect her past action.

On the other hand, in addition, it is possible that while we strive to harm that person, he will continue on his way without taking us into account. In this way we manage to accentuate even more the damage that has done us, because we are putting our mental well-being in the hands of someone who does not care in the least.

This has a direct impact on a decrease in our self-esteem. That is, the self-concept and respect we feel for ourselves, which is the most important thing to feel at ease and achieve happiness and peace of mind.

It is also important to note that, according to studies in this regard, The people most likely to develop revenge behaviors are those with a sadistic personality. That is, those who are prone to enjoy the suffering of others.

Put ourselves at peace with ourselves, the key to overcoming pain

This is the key that revenge is not positive for the person who applies it. The reason is very simple: we are still anchored in what he did to us, in that damage we feel through that person and poisoning ourselves by seeing how he goes on with his life.

Instead of this it would be much healthier mentally to continue our path. For this, the ideal is to focus on recovering from this damage and working on ourselves internally to put ourselves at peace.

But how to remedy these desires for revenge and remain calm? This requires a long process of introspection and work with oneself. The first thing we should do is transmit and communicate to the person who has hurt us how we felt and let him see how we reprove his attitude.

If this person does not do us good in our lives, it is better to remove them from them. If, on the contrary, it is someone we value, then it is better to clarify what has hurt us and forgive.

However, and as we said, beyond the relationship with this person is the relationship we have with ourselves. For this we must be clear (and leave it to the people around us) what are our limits and what situations we are not willing to endure or forgive.

Here comes assertiveness, which is nothing more than knowing how to say no when someone tries to take advantage of us and know how to defend our rights and desires. Doing a good job on ourselves, we won't need revenge on anyone even if he has done us significant damage.

We must be aware that we cannot control how others act, but how their behavior affects us. After all, we are responsible for ourselves and it is we who have to be accountable.

Definitely, revenge causes a negative feeling that does not give us anything positive or let us move forward in any way. Not at the moment of wishing it, not once it is consummated, will we feel no more than a false sense of momentary pleasure that is nothing more than self-deception. So it is better to forget about it and focus on yourself.