All children at some time or another get angry and irritated, that's normal. But not everyone knows how to control their attacks of anger or their dreaded "tantrums", so it is parents and educators who must help them in this task, which is still a learning for a healthy and happy adult life.
How parents, we laid the foundations of skills to manage our emotions in the face of a fit of anger. So, the next time we have to face a tantrum of a child, or a slight of a child Teen, we can use any of the following phrases, depending on the situation ...
Phrases to speak effectively with an angry child
Instead of: Stop throwing things!
Try this: When you throw your toys, I think you don't like playing with them anymore. Is that what is happening?
This technique is designed to facilitate the communication of feelings in a less conflictive way. This not only helps to keep the lines of communication open, but also helps to shape the way of expressing a situation from our point of view, and in turn gives the child the opportunity to restate events from another perspective.
Instead of: Big children don't cry / scream / etc.
Try this: Older people also feel this way sometimes. Do not worry, these feelings will pass and then you will feel better
Let's be honest. The older, the bigger the problems we face, and we feel bad too. Telling children that older people do not experience anger, frustration or anxiety is simply false. It is also not healthy to avoid or repress emotions, what we must teach them is to process them in a healthy way.
Instead of: Do not be angry!
Try this: I get angry too sometimes. Let's try our war cry to get a little better control of these feelings
A recent study reveals that shouting when we are physically injured actually helps interrupt pain messages that are sent to the brain. Although our son may be feeling a lot of pain, a warrior scream can help him release this energy in a more playful way. Choose a shout warrior or mantra along with your son to serve as a resource on these occasions.
Instead of: Do not dare to paste!
Try this: It's okay to be angry, but I won't let you hit. We have to keep everyone safe
This offers the message that feeling this emotion is fine, but the action is not. The separation between the two concepts will help you learn to do the same.
Instead of: Brush your teeth right now!
Try this: Do you want to brush Teddy's teeth first or yours?
For young children, tantrums are a way of exercising control over their surroundings. In this way, they are offering their child a choice, and in turn, some control.
Instead of: Take all the food or go to bed hungry.
Try this: What can we do to make delicious food?
This places the responsibility of finding a solution back to your child.
Instead of: Your room is horrible! You will not leave here until it is clean and tidy.
Try this: How about we start cleaning this corner of your room? I'm going to help you out.
Instead of focusing on the immense task of cleaning and rearranging a huge mess, change the goal to a simple start-up. The beginning of an undesirable task can provide the impetus to then continue.
Instead of: Come salt now!
Try this: What do you have to do to be ready to leave?
Allowing children to think about everyday life processes helps them avoid a power struggle and is given the opportunity to be aware that they are transitioning to a new activity. It can also be used as a role play so that they acquire greater responsibility for the tasks.
Instead of: Stop screaming!
Try this: Why don't you tell me in your normal tone of voice?
Sometimes children complain and don't even realize it. Asking them to restate their claims in a more leisurely and normal tone, they are being taught that the way things are said is very important.
Instead of: Stop complaining
Try this: I hear you. Can we find a solution?
Again, this makes the responsibility fall on the child. The next time your child complains nonstop about school / dinner / siblings, ask him if he can find solutions. Remind him that there are no wrong answers.
Instead of: How many times do I have to say the same?
Try this: I see you didn't hear me the first time. Do you think I'll repeat it to you and then you tell me again?
Having a child repeat what he hears solidifies the message. Also, varying the volume and tone of voice adds an element of fun to the request.
Instead of: Go to your room!
Try this: I'm going to stay here with you until you're ready for a hug.
Isolation sends the message that there is something wrong with the child. By giving him a space until he is ready to participate again, you are giving him the assurance that you will always be there for him.
Instead of: You are embarrassing me!
Try this: We go to a private place so we can solve this.
Remember, it's not about you. It is about him and his feelings. By eliminating both of the situation, you are reinforcing the team effort without drawing attention to the behavior.
Instead of: (Sigh and roll your eyes)
Try this: (Make eye contact, remember your child's strengths and give him a smile.)
Practice keeping a better perspective on the situation and seeing your child's strengths.
Instead of: You are impossible!
Try this: Now you are going through a difficult time. Let's solve this together.
Always, there is always to separate the child's behavior, reinforce the emotion and work together to reach a solution.
Instead of: I can't deal with you now!
Try this: I'm starting to get upset, I'm going to stay here for a moment to calm down.
Teaching children how to label and govern their emotions by modeling them in real time is one of the best teachings.
Instead of: I'm about to explode!
Try this: If green means calm, yellow is frustrated and red is angry, now I am in the yellow zone and I go to red. What color are you? What can we do to return to green?
Give the children a visual image to express how they feel. You may be surprised at what they say, and what kind of solutions you can think of to change your address.
Instead of: Stop saying "No!"
Try this: I understand you don't want this. Let's find out what we can do differently.
By acknowledging your child's "No" refusal, we are confirming that we understand him. Instead of discussing whether or not, let's change the script to focus on the future and the perspective of a solution.
Instead of: For now!
Try this: I'm here for you. I love you Are you sure. (Then sit quietly with your child and let the emotion pass.)
When children are in the agony of anger or panicOften, their bodies are experiencing a stress response whereby they literally feel insecure. By letting them know that they are safe and that we support them until the discomfort passes, we show them the vital ability of resilience.
We leave you here to see this interesting video about la positive discipline in childrenWe hope you like it and help you.